The Adventures of Klink and Count Volger
by LazyPlotBunnies
Summary: Klink ends up in the Leviathan series world as a result of the unfortunate mix of Carter and a classified German military experiment. Volger runs across him and the adventure begins! Characters may be slightly OCC  in Klink's case extremely so . R


Standard Disclaimer: All characters (like Klink) are the property of their respective owners and this story is not intended for sale, rent or any purpose that might result in my increased wealth.

First off, I believe I should briefly describe how this story came about. It is a rather unusual crossover (I prefer crossovers by the way) of Hogan's Heroes and the Leviathan series. Hogan's Heroes, FYI, was an old comedy TV show based in World War 2, set largely in a prison camp. Klink was one of the main sources of comedy relief and was commonly regarded, to put it crudely, as a complete ass. However in a story, that I highly recommend, named Master Manipulator, Klink is portrayed as genius whose apparent idiocy is merely a cover. I must admit that I am far fonder of this Klink than the real one.

Recently I have been reading the Leviathan series which is set in an alternate reality of World War 2. I decided it would be interesting to write a story with Klink in the Leviathan world, with him as a personal friend of Count Volger. I only hope that my Klink is convincingly portrayed as intelligent (again I recommend that you read Master Manipulator, superb story!). Thus was born . . .

The Adventures of Klink and Count Volger

'Hogan' thought Klink in absolute horror 'You have gone too far this time'!

The fleeing Colonel glanced behind and he changed his mind 'Forget the cooler, this time, honorable enemy or not, I will have Schultz shoot you, that is, as soon as I first assure myself of my own survival'.

Back in the compound Hogan was briefing his soldiers "All right men" he barked "The mission to sabotage the experiment was not a complete failure, sure all our attempts failed due to a random string of bad luck (I mean come on, a lightning bolt put our saboteur in the hospital?), and Klink is being blamed for all the sabotage attempts but we can still"

"What is it Carter?" he asked.

Carter blinked and said "I was just wondering did anyone grab my bomb?" he continued "I accidentally left it by the Nuclear –

Boom!

(AN: That would be a no, Carter.) Klink glancing back saw the explosion and had time for one brief thought 'Well at least I won't have to salute that mustached idiot again'. As everyone one else, for miles around, vanished in a strange explosion, Klink, being Klink (Klink translates to out of shape and clumsy), tripped and fell. Klink opened his eyes and glanced around for some reason he was falling in darkness 'Hell' he thought glumly 'Blasted Hogan is probably already playing a harp'.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them he was in a very strange house.

Outside in the forest Klink rubbed his eyes and thought 'Who knew Hell was so strange?'

Wandering around he came to a strange sight in front of him was a white rabbit wearing a monocle and caterpillar blowing smoke through something similar to a cigar. The caterpillar twitched and turned to the rabbit who said "Look, Alice!"

The caterpillar puffed a furious clump of smoke in Klink's direction as he faded from view the bewildered colonel saw a strange scene "You idiot!" the caterpillar shouted "What part of _that _looked like Alice!"

The rabbit ducked as the fiery cigar passed over his head as he said "Well it's only my hundredth try; give me a bit of time."

Klink's last sight, before everything went black, was the anatomically impossible act of an enraged, elderly caterpillar strangling a rabbit.

Italy, 1904: Vatican City

A count looked suspiciously at the people around his liege as he commented with a stoic expression "It would be wise to develop contingency plans, My Lord" continuing with a slight frown on his face he said "Old age affects us all, in the end the old pope may die before us."

The man addressed as Lord replied dryly "This is the contingency plan, Volger; also it would be wise not to utter such a statement in the Vatican."

With a warning expression on his face he elaborated "An overzealous servant might interpret it badly."

Wincing the Count kept his thoughts to himself, as he often did (not through fear, but rather respect), the Count and the Lord continued to walk. Ordinarily they would have an escort but they had managed to give their escort the slip for a brief time through the excuse that they were confessing and needed privacy. As they walked to their Hotel they saw a strange scene. In front of them a manhole cover lifted up as a man clambered out of it onto the road. The man, covered in sewage, glanced down at himself, frowned in disgust and staggered a few steps before collapsing, falling unconscious on the ground.

The Archduke blinked and looked expectantly at Volger.

The Count scowled and looked at the Duke.

The Archduke smiled.

The Count grimaced as he went to pick up the man.

As Volger dragged the man to the hotel ("Pick up a man covered in sewage, are you mad?") he glanced at the man and Volger, who is after all Volger, scowled . . . .

_AN: Well what do you think? Good start? Bad start? Moderate Start? Review and let me know (no flaming please). Provided that I do not get a dozen reviews telling me to upchuck and die I intend to continue this story for a while (this will not under any circumstances be a drabble). In reviews I appreciate praise (who doesn't), criticism (necessary to improve), and advice (always interesting provided it is remotely friendly, i.e. "Trip on a banana and die a lonely, painful, paralyzed, hospitalized death" is not helpful)._

Extra disclaimer (in case I missed anything in the first one): All characters are the property of their respective owners and I have no intention of profiting in any way shape or form from this work of fiction (save the improving of my own writing ability). If this work offends any of the respective owners (I sincerely doubt that they will ever know my small tale exists) I promise to immediately remove and delete this work the moment it comes to my attention. 


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